What you waiting for?

I mentioned this to everyone already, but it only takes 1 word to sum up my entire unemployment experience thus far: complacent.

With no job security and income, but a good education and social group, I have skipped the entire "Physiological Need" stage in Maslow's Hierarchy and is at "Esteem Need". So clearly my foundations are all fucked.

I am content, which I should not be. I am worried, which I should not be. There really is no middle ground to my emotions. Upon realizing this, and become the butt of all jokes, it can only get worse.

Thoughts at work

The day I am free is when I don't have to CC anyone in my emails

Unfortunate

"Why is it that when people do drugs they are always naked?" - N

"Well, maybe because they don't expect to die" - S

Joy Division

According to research (pointed out by The Economist), certain criteria makes one happier than others:
1. Married > single
2. Extroverted > introvert
3. Optimists > pessimists
4. Nurses > banker
5. Religious > atheist
6. Sexually active > virgin
7. College Grad > no education
8. Short commute to work > long commute to work

I only satisfy 3 of the 8 criteria listed. Well, 7 seeing that I don't really have to commute to work as of late.

Iceland and Switzerland are the happiest places on earth. Oddly, they are both ethnically homogeneous. Does this mean there are benefits to racism?

Faircuts Haircuts

I was not even feeling adventurous, but out of convenience, at the backstreets of Yau Ma Tei, I decided to walk into the first building that held a spinney canister for a quick haircut. This random sampling of barbershops have been done numerous times, but what separates this from the rest is in fact the place itself.

You see, the exterior, I thought, would be deceiving dirty. But is in fact no different inside. As I made it up the dusty steps, past colour-penciled images of 80's pop stars, I knew I was in trouble the second I stepped in. Four old ladies stopped playing Mahjong to serve me. None under the age of 65. It literally is someones apartment, accompanied with a kitchen, living room, and someones bedroom. The hair washing bison was covered in Mahjong pieces, and out of the entire area laid ONE barbershop chair. It was as if Sweeney Todd moved to Hong Kong.

The grandmother (possibly great grandmother), sits me down and preceeds with small talk. I wanted to talk my way out of there, but who says no to old people?

A younger looking woman then steps out of the kitchen to wash my hair. My heart was set at ease until, to my dismay, she passed me off again to the granny. I was in panic mode, telling her what I really wanted for a haircut. But judging by her age and what she considers "hip", I swear I was in for a communist square cut that I so dreaded.

If there was ever an award for the oldest barber living, she would take the cake. Her arthritic fingers trembled at every clip. Her aging vision prevented her from seeing certain angles. Her slouch forced her tiny figure to tippy toe every time the scissors reached the top of my head. It was definitely a recipe for disaster.

From there on, it was a matter of instructing an old lady at every turn, making sure she doesn't fuck it up to much. The entire process must have taken 2 hours, but I walked away content. Knowing that it's decent enough to leave my hat off.

Keep it in check.

My brain plays tricks on me every now and then. It instills confidence at times of promising news but then comes crashing down once doubt sets in. Doubt that is set off by literally nothing. Or reading into things too much. A non-response. A delayed message. A piece of gossip. A change in plans. That's when I panic. Headache, coupled with more layered thoughts that soon paralyses me from doing virtually anything but worry.

New Beginning (again)

At the end of most fiction novels, the last few pages sets the reader with a sense of closure, offering just enough information to know what will become of the protagonist. In "The Da Vinci Code" for example, we get a sense that Robert Langdon has contently solved the mystery and is about to embark on another adventure, having achieved winning the girl and saving the world.

Well apparently, my last blog couldn't have been more wrong, and the optimism that was once in me for this city is quickly fading. Tal D. Ben-Shahar has pointed that studies have shown those that were depressed before winning the lottery will become depressed again once the excitement of scoring the jackpot fades. Hong Kong was my jackpot. Funny how this blog had started with my intention of leaving Toronto, only to expect greener pastures on the other side.

But there should be nothing to dwell on, cause otherwise I'll be a sap. And my allowance to squeeze pity out of others have faded since yesterday. Since I was let-go / resigned / fucked over.

Part of what prevented me from speaking my mind, (or even blogging in the first place) was my occupation. My tale of re-immigration to this city was no different than that of a village Chinese worker moving into a garment factory. The series of events were as follows:

1. Worker moves overseas to work at a much lower salary
2. Worker's title is changed and is taking a much lower role than he/she expected
3. Worker is degraded on a daily basis and is forced to work bizarrely long hours
4. Worker, out of fear, cannot question the motives of the company
5. Worker is being lied to daily, and no longer knows what is true or false within the company
6. Company caves into corporate demands, but stretches it's capacity to do so.
7. Worker is cut for someone who is willing to bend over backwards for 1/2 the salary.

What I have obtained however, are hundreds of my boss's memorable quotes that will certainly make you question: "Was that for real?". Like a factory worker, the verbal abuse was at first amusing, but soon startlingly irritating, and then just downright depressing. I now realized why there was no HR in the company.

Here are three one-liners that were great:
" I can fire you anytime you know" - SS
" I want you to be successful. I don't have to do this, I'm a millionaire you know." - SS
" Phil, you have to learn to bullshit... but do so that it is true. Do you know what I mean?" - SS

The loss of the job certainly hurts the esteem and deflates what's left of my tiny ego. But my biggest surprise was the support of friends, acquaintances, relatives and parents that all say "fuck them" at my defense. Not once did anyone question whether I was inadequate, or incapable. They simply had my back and I am extremely grateful.

So now it is a new beginning (again). And what Hong Kong has in store for me I will take with more caution. I will no longer be deceived by attractive appearances, optimistic pep talk, and fear inducing propaganda. If it hinders on my motherfucking integrity, don't do it. Just be careful Phil and you'll be alright.