"I saved up enough money. I can go anywhere in the world. I have enough experience to get a job elsewhere. I'll be fine. You can leave now Phil. There's no point in staying. You passed the 1 year mark. Just get up, go over to your manager's desk, and tell him you're leaving. It's simple. Drop what you're doing. You're not that important anyways. You won't be missed. Just go, tell your manager, he won't get mad, it's no surprise to him anyways. Tell him. Do it you dumb fuck."
This is what I tell myself every morning and every time I work on a project I despise. I have every reason to leave. There really is no point in me staying. There was three company announcements today on either a mat-leave or a director leaving. If they can do it on two weeks notice. Why can't I?
God I'm such a pussy. I always tell myself to find a job first, and then I'll quit. But judging by the looks of it, I'm not quitting anytime soon.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Small Town USA
Took a trip down to Buffalo to help a friend move. We were co-workers once, working minimum wage, packaging containers at a plastics factory just over 5 years ago. Now he is engaged, ran the Boston marathon, and is officially a medical dentist all by the age of 25. You see what I mean by how I can never be happy? There are simply those that overshadow your achievements, whether its relative or not.
He is settling into an apartment just outside downtown Buffalo. A quaint little neighbourhood that radiates that "small town" feel. Parks, cottage homes, fat people, memorials, churches, and enough American flags to blanket the town. But I loved it. All that was running through my head were Sufjan Steven songs and the movie "Elizabethtown". Woman were dressed southern like, but anti-war protesters and signs of presidential disapproval reminds me that we are still in a blue state.
As much as I enjoyed the visit, my gut tells me I still belong in the city. I now feel more fortunate that I live a 30 mins drive away from the downtown core of Toronto. Not to knock on Buffalo, but a single subway line and their entitlement as the primary export of greasy wings does not satisfy my appetite for culture and history. I once felt Toronto as a follower of London and New York but is in fact superior to hundreds around the world. Although it is exhausting to chase the core of what is "cool", I often take Toronto for granted. This trip has definitely shown me that.
He is settling into an apartment just outside downtown Buffalo. A quaint little neighbourhood that radiates that "small town" feel. Parks, cottage homes, fat people, memorials, churches, and enough American flags to blanket the town. But I loved it. All that was running through my head were Sufjan Steven songs and the movie "Elizabethtown". Woman were dressed southern like, but anti-war protesters and signs of presidential disapproval reminds me that we are still in a blue state.
As much as I enjoyed the visit, my gut tells me I still belong in the city. I now feel more fortunate that I live a 30 mins drive away from the downtown core of Toronto. Not to knock on Buffalo, but a single subway line and their entitlement as the primary export of greasy wings does not satisfy my appetite for culture and history. I once felt Toronto as a follower of London and New York but is in fact superior to hundreds around the world. Although it is exhausting to chase the core of what is "cool", I often take Toronto for granted. This trip has definitely shown me that.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Please go on
Me - "You're 19 right?"
K - "I'm 29, but that's flattering"
Me - "Well is there anything you have yet to achieve before you turn 30?"
K - "Wow, that's a loaded question"
Me - "I know, but there has to be something you wish to accomplish before you reach this milestone"
K - "I do wish I was harder working"
Me - "And?"
K - "More organized"
At that moment I realized why hanging out with people at work isn't such a great idea.
K - "I'm 29, but that's flattering"
Me - "Well is there anything you have yet to achieve before you turn 30?"
K - "Wow, that's a loaded question"
Me - "I know, but there has to be something you wish to accomplish before you reach this milestone"
K - "I do wish I was harder working"
Me - "And?"
K - "More organized"
At that moment I realized why hanging out with people at work isn't such a great idea.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Should I take it?
I have to admit. I'm not really good at what I do. I can't deal with numbers, I'm always fumbling in front of clients, and I can't calculate figures in my head. Hell, I can't even talk on the phone and type at the same time.
So do I like what I'm doing? Sometimes, but usually it's not related to work. Figuring out finances or database results do in fact make me want to step out of my cubicle and kick a random stranger square in the head.
But now ACNielsen HK is offering a position in the same department. At least I'll be able to afford my own place. Is it even worth it? I think I should wait. Hold out for something better. I know something better will come along... you just have to wait...
So do I like what I'm doing? Sometimes, but usually it's not related to work. Figuring out finances or database results do in fact make me want to step out of my cubicle and kick a random stranger square in the head.
But now ACNielsen HK is offering a position in the same department. At least I'll be able to afford my own place. Is it even worth it? I think I should wait. Hold out for something better. I know something better will come along... you just have to wait...
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
I gotta stop talking about work
I can't help it. It consumes roughly 45 hours of your week, and sometimes you take it home with you. I'm currently being scolded for not meeting deadlines. Problem is, there are times when I don't even know whether it is even actual work that I'm doing.
A product launch is coming up on thursday. The theme is movies. We just spent 45 min at our meeting today, attended my managers and directors, discussing whether we should bring in a popcorn machine. The slacker in me says "yes, talk away". The keener in me says "should we be doing actual work?". In the end, who cares. Because regardless of what we talk about, we still get paid.
A product launch is coming up on thursday. The theme is movies. We just spent 45 min at our meeting today, attended my managers and directors, discussing whether we should bring in a popcorn machine. The slacker in me says "yes, talk away". The keener in me says "should we be doing actual work?". In the end, who cares. Because regardless of what we talk about, we still get paid.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Parenting is tough
My mom took an immediate flight back to Hong Kong because of my aunt. In all her 25+ years of travel, she had always been with my dad. Often times, relying on him to navigate even the simplest of directions in plane travel. But that's how it's always been, and when it comes to experiencing the joys of travel, the two are inseparable. Romantic isn't it? Well this time, she had to go alone.
Even days before the flight, my father would show concern. To be honest, I thought it was no big deal. I just told her to always look up, ask questions, and double check everything. It used to be my parents sending me off to trips with the concern for safety, but as I was driving my mom to the airport at 6:45 am on sat, I felt the roles have reversed.
She would often ask naive questions that get me concerned, like "when do I use the aeroplan card?", or "could I bring in liquids?". From check in to baggage check, I grew weary at the fact that my mother had to travel alone. Even as I was walking away, it was like sending your kids off to the first day of school, you can't help but always look back and wave to reassure yourself that they will be OK.
Even days before the flight, my father would show concern. To be honest, I thought it was no big deal. I just told her to always look up, ask questions, and double check everything. It used to be my parents sending me off to trips with the concern for safety, but as I was driving my mom to the airport at 6:45 am on sat, I felt the roles have reversed.
She would often ask naive questions that get me concerned, like "when do I use the aeroplan card?", or "could I bring in liquids?". From check in to baggage check, I grew weary at the fact that my mother had to travel alone. Even as I was walking away, it was like sending your kids off to the first day of school, you can't help but always look back and wave to reassure yourself that they will be OK.
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